I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
