I wish I only lived at night.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I lost the right to judge tonight
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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