Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
someone get that fucking seahorse.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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