Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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