His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
