hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
