Got a toothbrush?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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