i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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