I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
