seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
