peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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