dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
