Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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