It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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