were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize