i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
