she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
