And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
