That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
