we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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