I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
