we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
