my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
is wine microwaveable?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
