I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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