I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
