I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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