Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
