i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
