I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
