I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
