It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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