If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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