My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
