maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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