alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
