the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
