Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
