O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
