the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
