I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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