I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She bit a glass in half.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
