if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Vodka?
Forever.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
