I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
