Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
