So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
