Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
