Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
