The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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