I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
