Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
