And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
