just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I want a musical about memes.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
