i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
