The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
