I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
