"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
