the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize