We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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