yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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