I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize