So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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