I faked an abortion last night.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
