If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
