i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize