Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
