I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize