remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We are two peas in an std pod
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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