Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
ttyl tear gas
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
