So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
