Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
