Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
