She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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