i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
