My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
