Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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