Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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