im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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