it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
50% drunk capacity currently
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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