is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
im six kinds of drunk right now
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
