I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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