You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
